


Dying in a Hot Tub.

by bvbabe9



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Multi, Poverty, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23793331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bvbabe9/pseuds/bvbabe9
Summary: What if JJ had been the only Pogue. What if John B, Kiara and Pope had all been Kooks.How would JJ come into their life?How would they help him out of his miserable life?*Title inspired by the Palaye Royale song "Dying in a Hot Tub" and obviously the hot tub scene from the show.
Relationships: JJ (Outer Banks) & Everyone, JJ/John B. Routledge, JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)
Comments: 153
Kudos: 437





	1. Lonely.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first stories, please be kind.  
> Also, English is not my first language, so excuse any mistakes.  
> Warning: This story will mention and deal with Child Abuse. It is a very serious topic and this is not meant to make light of it.

It was the summer of 2019 and JJ, as usual, was spending it working and trying to make ends meet. His father wasn’t of much help, every time he got a job and JJ thought that for a second, he could breath and relax a little, he would get laid off. It wasn’t really a surprise, showing up to work drunk and high was usually frowned upon in the workplace. So, it wasn’t a surprise, but definitely a disappointment. No matter how many times it happened, JJ still found himself being let down by his father. He should know better than to have any expectations.

This summer he’d been working as a busboy at a four star hotel, as a catering waiter for all the fancy summer parties and occasionally doing some odd jobs here and there. Now that his father had been fired from his most recent job, JJ needed to pick up the slack where ever he could.

He’d been doing well for the most part, he’d had to drop out of school earlier this year to work and make up for what his father would spend on beer and drugs. He didn’t miss it much, his teachers never cared for him. They never said a word when he would come to class covered in bruises, they didn’t care when he had to miss classes because of work. He didn’t have many friends either. He got along with pretty much everyone, but there was no one he would really call a friend.

He’d booked a job as lawn mower for the Routledges, the richest of the rich. The Kooks by definition. He’d seen the Routledge kid a couple of times at parties. They had never really talked, but at least from afar he didn’t seem as bad as some of the other Kooks like Topper, Kelce or Rafe. Mr. Routledge seemed kind enough too, pretty different from other Kook parents, he was eccentric and looked like he had his head in the clouds half the time. The pay was good, and his boss was somewhat nice to him. He wasn’t treated like dirt for showing up late, for not looking the cleanest. As long as he did the work, Mr. Routledge would be decent.

He’d been working for about an hour, under the hot sun. He was, quite honestly, exhausted.

“Hey!” he heard a voice coming from behind him, where the Routledge kid was hanging with his friends around the pool. “You want some water or something?”

He was sort of surprised to hear the kid talking to him, he had never done anything to warrant his distrust, but he was a Kook. He figured he would think he was above him and wouldn’t bother addressing him.

“Um, no thanks” he responded scratching the back of his head.

“You sure, you look like you’re about to pass out dude. It’s pretty hot today and you’ve been working for a solid hour” said one of the Routledge’s friends.

He recognized him; he was Heyward’s son. Heyward was well- known throughout the island. He was a Kook but had worked hard to get to were he was; JJ respected Heyward.  
“I’m fine. I gotta get back to work” he said, taking ahold of the lawn mower’s handles and turning away from the group of Kooks.

“You could sit with us, have a beer. My dad won’t be back until tonight” offered Routledge.

It sounded tempting. He’d been working under the harsh heat of the sun, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth and head dripping with sweat.

“Yeah, we won’t say anything” that would be good he answered mentally.

If he was honest with himself, he really needed a break.

“I… okay, I guess” he said, turning off the heavy machine and walking towards them apprehensively.

He took a sit next to Routledge, feeling uneasy in his greasy and sweaty clothes beside these people with designer swimsuits.

The girl handed him a beer. He didn’t know her, he figured she must be new money.

“So, you’re Maybank’s kid, right?” Routledge asked.

“Yeah, name’s JJ”.

“I’m John B, this is Pope and that is Kiara” Routledge explained motioning towards his friends.

“You Heyward’s son?” he asked Pope, taking a sip of his beer.  
“Yeah, you know him?”

“Yup, shoveled the snow in your driveway this winter” he said, subtly wiping the sweat on his forehead with his t-shirt.

“Right, I knew you looked familiar. My dad likes you, said you’re a good kid, hard worker”.

“I like him too, he’s nicer than most people I’ve worked for” he told Pope sincerely.

He saw Pope smile, pleased that his father was well- liked and respected.

“I’ve seen you a couple of times at my parents’ restaurant” said the girl.

Right, The Wreck. She was the owners’ kid. He went there a couple of times a week, when they gave away free meals for those who most needed it. It hurt his pride, that this girl knew how broke he was.

He nodded at her, dropping his head, suddenly feeling shame. He finished his beer in silence, while the other three talked and bickered.

“Hey! I don’t pay you to sit around and drink my beer!” Mr. Routledge had come back.

He immediately stood up and set down his beer.

“Dad, I asked him to sit with us” John B tried to explain.

“Yeah, Mr. R its scolding hot out here, he looked ready to pass out” Pope added.

Mr. Routledge’s expression changed from one of annoyance to one of mild concern.

“You okay kid?”

“Yes, I’m sorry sir. I’ll get back to work. It won’t happen again” he said looking down at the ground.

Mr. Routledge patted him on the shoulder as he passed by to get to the lawn mower.

He worked without interruptions for about two hours, trying to get the Routledge’s immense lawn under control. He finished at about 7 p.m., perfectly on time despite the brief distraction.

By the time he had put away the lawn mower and was ready to go home, all three kids and Mr. Routledge were inside ordering some take-out.

“Sir, I’m all done. I should head out”.

“Thank you, JJ. Same time next week?” asked Mr. Routledge, handing him his pay for today’s work.

“Sure, thank you sir”. He looked at the other three. “Have a good night”.

“Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to stay for dinner. We’re ordering pizza” offered John B.

“Umm, I’m okay I don’t want to impose”.

“You aren’t, I’m asking you to stay. They’re all okay with it, right guys? Right, dad?”

Pope and Kiara nodded, seemingly excited. He looked expectantly at Mr. Routledge, waiting for an answer.

“Of course, kid”.

He went to sit with the rest. His first thought was that he probably shouldn’t sit on their couch and risk dirtying it, so he settled for the floor. Mr. Routledge was on the phone by now, ordering the pizza.

“Dude, I’m sorry I got you caught earlier” said John B. “I didn’t think he would be here so early”.

“It’s fine man, I didn’t get fired so that’s good”.

“Okay enough with all that. What movie do you wanna watch?” Pope asked him, pointing towards the pile of DVDs in the corner of the room.

“I don’t really watch much TV. I don’t know many movies. You guys pick”.

“How about all the Batman movies?” Kiara suggested. The other two seemed to agree. He hadn’t watched them before, so he couldn’t really oppose.

The girl got up to put in the DVD and all three Kooks settled together on the couch, while he stayed seated on the carpet next to them.

He was beginning to get really hungry. He could tell his stomach would start growling any second. Which is why he was relieved when Mr. Routledge came back to the living room with a couple of pizza boxes.

It was surprisingly comfortable, watching a movie and eating for the first time that day. He found himself really enjoying the movies. After a few hours, during the second movie, he found himself slipping into sleep.

He was woken up by a loud thunder. When he came to his senses, he realized they were halfway through the third movie and it was pouring outside. It was pretty late, and he knew he should probably get home.

“I should probably get going. It looks like the storm is gonna be pretty big, I should get home before it gets worse” he said, almost feeling guilty for disrupting the moment.

“JJ, why don’t you stay the night?” asked Mr. Routledge. “The storm is already bad enough, and I don’t feel comfortable sending you home in your bike with the way it’s pouring. You can give your dad a call to let him know, John B can lend you some clothes. These two are probably staying as well”. Kiara and Pope nodded at that.

“I… okay, if you don’t mind”.

“It’s getting late, we’ll finish the movie some other time. Bird, why don’t you get JJ some clothes, a toothbrush and a towel so he can shower?”

“On it dad. Follow me”. He went upstairs, following John B.

He never thought he would get to see so much of the inside of the Routledge house. This day had taken a very unexpected turn.

He didn’t feel completely at ease staying at a Kook house and his dad wouldn’t be happy that he hadn’t brought him dinner tonight. Anyway, he figured he deserved a night of sleeping in a real bed, with clean and warm clothes, with food in his stomach and without having to worry about the reality of his life. At least for one night.


	2. Cold blooded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains very graphic abuse, please be careful when reading.  
> Also I was wondering if anyone wanted romantic relationships in this fic (and if yes, with who should JJ get?).  
> Or should it remain a friendship-only fic?

He follows John B up to his room. He can’t help but notice how different it is from his own. There are posters on the walls of what JJ assumes are bands. JJ spots some polaroids of John B and his friends hanging on the wall. He feels a pang of jealousy.

He has a nice king- sized bed, which looks incredibly comfortable. JJ thinks back to his mattress sitting on the floor in his room.

John B hands him some clothes to sleep in. “I’ve got these sweatpants that are a little too small on me, they should fit you fine. And this hoodie, it may be kind of big on you. Also, some clean underwear, don’t worry they’re new, I have some lying around for when Pope stays over”.

He takes them, feeling the soft fabric in his hands. He can’t help but think about how nice it would be to just have new packets of underwear just lying around.

“The bathroom is just next door; you’ve got a clean towel there”.

“Thanks, man”.

He walked sluggishly to the bathroom, feeling the exhaustion really setting in. The bathroom is nice too, because of course it was. He finds a towel on a little bench, with a toothbrush on top. He makes quick work of brushing his teeth and undresses, being careful of the bruises still on his ribs, and gets in the shower. The water comes out scalding, but he can’t bring himself to care. He can’t remember the last time he showered with hot water. He finds it soothes his sore muscles.

He eventually finds the strength to leave the comfort of the hot water and steam. He puts on the clothes John B lent him, slightly big on him, but warm and nice to the touch.

He walks downstairs to the living room, where the rest were waiting for him to come back. Mr. Routledge takes his dirty clothes and his used towel, presumably to throw it in the laundry.

“You look cute in those clothes” said Kiara. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he just nods and looks to the ground.

“So uh, we only have two guest rooms and Pope and Kie claimed theirs years ago” explained John B.

“It’s fine, I can sleep on the couch”.

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. You’re sleeping in my room; I have a spare mattress we can pull out”.

JJ feels a little disappointed, he’d hoped to sleep in a real bed tonight, but he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful.

Again, they went upstairs, saying goodnight to the other two Kooks and retreating into John B’s room. They set up the mattress next to John B’s bed. JJ was getting ready to get in bed, pulling back the covers.

“Dude no, you’re sleeping in the bed, I’ll take the floor”.

He didn’t really understand why they were being so nice to him. He wasn’t one to trust Kooks, but he didn’t think John B had any ulterior motives, he seemed genuine. Wow, that’s one thing he never thought he’d say about a Kook.

“No way. It’s your room. You’ve already done enough” he answered.

“Well then we’re both sleeping in the bed, it’s big enough. Unless you don’t want to”.

“Umm, no it’s fine, I don’t mind. Thank you”.

They both got in the bed. JJ had never been so comfortable in his life; he was warm and cozy for the first time in a long time. He yawned and pulled the covers up to his chin.

“I had a good time today. Hopefully you did too” said John B.

“I did yeah. Thank you. For everything”.

“I didn’t do anything”.

“You did a lot. Honestly, thank you” said JJ turning to face him.

“Okay. You’re welcome then. You should get some sleep, you’re probably really tired”.

JJ nodded, turning again to face the wall. He welcomed sleep with open arms.

When he woke up, he didn’t know where he was. He was in a strangely lavish room; he could feel the comfort of the soft mattress and the warmth from the blankets. It took him a second to realize where he was, for everything to come back to him. The day before had been interesting to say the least.

The other side of the bed was empty by now. He’d been so tired that he’d overslept, the whole house was probably awake by now. He looked around the room and found his clothes from the day before neatly folded on John B’s table, his boots beside it. He willed himself to get out of bed, shivering from the cold as he pulled back the covers. He got dressed as quickly as he could. His clothes smelt like fabric softener, they smelt homey, not like the cheap detergent he’d gotten a hold of last week at the supermarket.

He went downstairs, seeing everyone gathered around the table eating breakfast. He approached shyly.

“Hey. Good morning”.

“JJ man you sleep like a log” said John B laughing.

“Come sit, have some breakfast” said Mr. Routledge pulling out a chair for him.

And he did. He’d never seen a breakfast that big. He never usually had breakfast, but if he did it would usually be some off- brand cereal. There were pancakes, fruit, bacon and eggs. He loaded some onto his plate, trying not to seem greedy despite his hunger. He scarfed it down as fast as he could chew, almost choking a couple of times.

When he was done and satisfied, he settled for listening as the others conversed. It felt strange, to watch an actual loving family acting normal. Again, his chest constricted with jealousy.

“So, I’m gonna have to leave. I have to get home and get my uniform for work”.

“Sure, I’ll walk you out” said John B.

He waved towards the rest and greeted Mr. Routledge goodbye.

He and John B walked out through the long pathway to the gates where his bike was parked.

“We should hang out again some time”.

“Sure, just ask your dad for my number” he said turning the engine on. “I had a good time. You all were really nice, thank you”.

“No worries, man. You should get going. You didn’t call your dad last night, he’s probably worried”.

“Right. See ya”.

He got on his bike and waved at John B one last time before leaving. The drive home was calm, but an uneasy feeling had started to settle in his stomach. Maybe his dad had already left the house, to go get drunk or to buy anything he could snort up his nose. He tried to calm himself as best as he could.

It seemed the universe was not in his favor. His dad’s car was parked there. He got off his bike and walked to the porch, hesitating before taking his keys out. The house was eerily silent.

He looked around the kitchen, it was a mess, the cabinets were all open. His dad had come home high or drunk or both and started ripping everything apart when he realized JJ wasn’t there with some food. A half- eaten packet of saltines was left behind on the carpet. Probably the only food left in the house. He had to do some groceries later today.

He was sorting some of the stuff his dad had left out on the counter when he heard a crash. He knew what that meant. His father was up, and he had heard him come in. JJ made a quick beeline for the bathroom. That was the only room in the house with a lock. Just when he thought he was safe from his father’s wrath and was about to close the door, his father’s boot-clad foot stopped him. He looked up and saw the fury in his father’s eyes. Shaking like a leaf he tried to close the door, pushing against it with his shoulder. It didn’t matter. His dad broke the door open and grabbed him by the front of his t-shirt.

“You wanna tell me where you were last night?”

JJ desperately tried to push his father away from him, to no avail.

“Th- there was a storm last night. I- I got stuck at work”.

His father jostled him a bit, knocking the air out of his lungs and pulled him close till he could feel his drunken breath on his face.

“At the Routledges’?” his father asked with venom in his voice. “You’re gonna tell me you were living it up with those fucking Kooks while I was here, starving half to death?”

JJ didn’t answer, he didn’t know how. His father would find a way to get angry no matter what he said.

“They feed ya?” he said grabbing the back of JJ’s head by his hair so he could not move.

Again, he said nothing.

“I asked you a question you worthless piece of shit”.

“Th- they d-did”.

***Trigger warning***

There was a palpable silence for a second.

A second that seemed to stretch out in time. But then there it was.

The blow pushed him to the ground, he could feel his ribs cracking under the force of his father’s hands. He didn’t stop there.

JJ tried to cover as much of his body as he could, which unfortunately left his face open for any of his father’s attacks. He could feel the blood in his mouth where he had bit his tongue from the force of his father’s punches.

He turned around on the floor, trying to protect his abdomen from further damage. He attempted to crawl away, to put some space in between him and his father.

He was pulled back by his left ankle, his knees scraping against the floor and making a bloody mess to join what had dripped from the corner of his mouth.

He was pulled up by his hair, his father’s hand digging painfully against his scalp and tearing out a couple of hairs. His father dragged him by his hair towards the toilet.

He proceeded to yank on his hair and push him to his knees. The pain was too much to handle. At one point he’d begun screaming.

His father used the opportunity to stick his pointer and middle finger into his mouth and down his throat. He began retching almost immediately, till he found himself throwing up and emptying his stomach.

When it was clear that no more was coming out, his father pushed his head against the toilet bowl, banging his forehead and eye so hard he couldn’t see. Blood was coating his eyelid from the cut on his forehead.

For a split second JJ found himself losing consciousness, but he recovered quick enough. It was never good to not be aware of his surroundings with his father there.

His father eventually got tired or bored, one of the two and left.

He worked up the strength to get up and close the door. He made sure he locked it this time.

JJ stayed there, hunched over the toilet for what must have been hours. He heard the front door open and close, the car engine turning on.

His father had left.

He let himself lay down, next to a puddle of his blood.

This time he gave in, he let everything turn to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Chapter title inspired by Khalid's song "Cold Blooded".


	3. Nobody Cares.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: implicit talk about an adult sexually harrassing a minor.

He’d woken up a few hours later. His head was killing him, which meant he probably had a concussion and should have avoided falling asleep.

It suddenly came to mind that he was unbelievably late for work and he knew what that entailed. Pogues didn’t get second chances, specially at four- star hotels. Every worker was replaceable, there were too many other Cut- residents looking for jobs at all times.

He spent a few minutes laying there. He couldn’t bring himself to stand up, knowing how much it would hurt. Eventually though, he did stand, supporting himself on the sink. He dreaded looking at his reflection in the mirror. He knew how bad it would look; this had been a pretty bad beating.

When he did look, he wasn’t exactly shocked at what he saw. His forehead had a gnarly gash right above his eye, dried blood caking around it. His eye was swollen and an ugly purple color. Taking a deep breath, he proceeded to take out the first aid kit in the cabinet behind the mirror. He cleaned out the cut the best he could and applied some pomade to his eye, flinching at his own touch.

His torso wasn’t all that better. He took off his shirt examining the bruises. His ribs weren’t broken, but definitely cracked and would hurt for a while. He sighed, completely undressing and got in the shower.

The cold water painfully dug at his bruises. The water turned a pinkish color from the blood left over on his knees and hair. He ended his shower as quickly as he could manage, not wanting to stay under the freezing water for much longer. He dried up and, again, applied whatever pomade was left to the bruises blooming around his ribcage. He got dressed and pressed his ear to the bathroom door.

There were no loud noises, no clanking of bottles. Hopefully that meant his father wasn’t home or at least that he was asleep.

He unlocked the door apprehensively and opened it slowly, careful not to make too much noise. He passed by the living room, seeing his father passed out on the couch. He caught a glimpse of his dried blood still adorning his father’s hands.

He left the house in a hurry, getting on his bike and zooming off.

He needed to get to work. There was still a chance that no one had noticed he hadn’t checked in this morning. He really couldn’t afford to lose this job. Sure, he would occasionally work at those crazy Kook parties and he had a couple lawn- mowing jobs, but those weren’t stable. There wasn’t a party every single day, no one needed their lawn mowed every day.

He entered the hotel, showing security his badge. He went into the locker room to get changed into his uniform. For a second he thought he would get through this unscathed. How wrong he was.

His boss, Andrew, was waiting for him outside the locker room. He was usually a decent guy, not too nice, but tolerable.

“Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up” said Andrew, leaning against the wall and looking at him with a look akin to disappointment.

“I-, man I’m sorry I lost track of time” he tried to explain.

“JJ you’ve been late everyday consistently for the last couple of weeks. And I’ve let it go, because I know you’re a good kid, but showing up 3 hours late is unacceptable”.

“I know, I’m sorry and it won’t happen again” he pleaded with Andrew.

“You’re right it won’t. Supervisor came today. You weren’t here and I can’t risk my job to make excuses for you. Leave your uniform in my office when you leave” and Andrew did seem kind of sorry about it, JJ would give him that.

“Andrew, I need this job. You know that”.

“I’m sorry kid, there’s nothing I can do” said Andrew sadly, patting him on the shoulder. “They’ve already hired someone else”.

And to be honest, JJ didn’t have the strength to try and reason with Andrew anymore. He’d just lost his job and his dad was also unemployed.

‘Runs in the family’ he thought with a scoff. He didn’t know what he was gonna do, how he’d be able to put food on the table. He’d simply left, took off his uniform and left it neatly folded in the locker room.

He’d decided to go down to the beach for some time, to get some fresh air and clear his head. Try and think.

He’d begun to get hungry as well. Normally he’d last longer without eating, but he had spent almost all morning emptying out his stomach. He felt somewhat angry that all the food had gone to waste, he was hoping it would keep him full for a couple of days.

He missed surfing. He used to do it all the time, was pretty good at it too. But then reality came knocking on the door, he no longer had time for surfing when he had to worry about keeping the family afloat.

He laid down, feeling the sand between his fingers and getting in his hair; he found he didn’t mind it. It was a rare moment of peace. Those were almost as precious to him as money right now. Moments where he could get away and forget who he was, who his father was, the obligations he had.

He’d been lost in his own thoughts for who knows how long. When he finally decided to get up and try to do something to fix what he’d fucked up, that was when he saw them.

John B, Pope and Kiara walking down to the beach.

He hoped they hadn’t seen him. He didn’t know how to explain the bruises on his face. It was too obvious: he leaves early this morning completely fine, goes home and now hours later someone has pummeled his face? It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

He couldn’t risk it. His dad may be bad, but there was nothing worse than foster care in the island. No Kook family wanted to foster a lowly Pogue; he’d end up in another Pogue household. Perhaps one worse than his father’s. He’d met one kid before at school who had gone into foster care and had ended up dead at the hands of his foster family a week later.

The uncertainty was worse, not knowing if he would be better off reporting his father or staying with him; that was worse than the actual beatings and the pain.

He packed up his things at lightning speed and took off. He practically ran the other way, leaving the beach. He’d turned around for a second, just a split second.

That had been enough. He saw John B waving at him from the distance. When he didn’t reciprocate, he saw John B take out his phone, presumably to call him, thinking that JJ hadn’t recognized him from afar.

He didn’t stay. He felt bad, they had been nothing but nice to him last night and that morning. He kept walking away, not caring that Pope and Kiara were calling his name.

He’d walked to the pier where there was a bulletin board with potential job opportunities and taken a couple of phone numbers to ask if the position was still available. He went to look for his phone, patting his pockets, before realizing he didn’t have it. No wonder he hadn’t heard John B calling his phone. Great, now he had to save up for a new phone too.

He went up to the information stand, usually filled to brim with tourists and asked to use the phone. The lady at the desk looked at him suspiciously but handed it to him anyway.

He’d booked a couple of interviews at some restaurants around town for the rest of the week.

For now, he needed to do some groceries. Thank god he’d had half the mind to hide what he’d been paid yesterday inside his boot. Otherwise, his father would have found it and spent it on whatever substance he was hooked on at that moment.

He’d gone to the supermarket, the whole way the money feeling heavy inside his boot. The girl at the register looked at him warily, surely, he looked like he was gonna steal something. He made a beeline instantly to the half-price isle, feeling the girl's stare following him.

He spotted some Kooks out of the corner of his eye, in the alcohol isle of course. There were around 4 of them, three boys and a girl. They’d noticed him too. They were clearly pointing at him and laughing, trying to cover it but not succeeding. He recognized the girl and her boyfriend, Sarah and Topper. He’d worked for Mr. Cameron a couple of summers too, as their pool boy.

Sarah had been nice from what he remembered, but he couldn’t say the same for her father, who had been a little too happy that their pool boy was a young boy. He’d gotten a little handsy with him one day. He quit the job the next day.

The Topper kid was just an all around asshole. He and JJ had had a couple of running-ins and Topper had never hesitated to tell him what he thought of him.

The girl, Sarah; he could see she was trying to get them to stop and redirecting their attention towards the vodka bottles before them.

But when a Kook had set their mind on doing something, there was nothing anyone could do to stop them. And so, Topper advanced towards him, a silly and cocky smile on his face.

“Hello JJ. It’s been awhile”.

“Sure has” he responded, focusing on getting whatever he needed on the cart so he could leave as soon as possible and trying not to focus on the Kook next to him.

“Heard you got laid off” he taunted. Of course he did, his parents owned the hotel.

JJ ignored him to the best of his abilities, now done with his shopping and going to the register.

“It’ll be 68.50 $” the girl provided.

Shit, he only had the 50$ he’d been paid by Mr. Routledge. He searched his pockets for a second for any spare change. He could feel the Kooks laughing at him from behind.

He was about to take some cans of soup off of the cart when the Cameron girl approached him.

“Here” she handed him a 20$ bill. She seemed genuine about it, for some reason he didn’t get the feeling that she was playing a prank on him, slipping him a fake bill maybe. Her boyfriend looked furious, so that was always a good sign.

“Thank you”, he took it and handed it to the cashier. She helped him put everything into bags.

“I’m sorry about them”, she said motioning with her head to the rest of the Kooks.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault that you hang out with assholes”, he responded with a laugh.

She smiled at him warmly.

“I’m sorry”.

“Your already said that”.

“No, I’m sorry about what happened last summer. With my dad”, she said putting her hand on top of his, soft and warm.

He pulled his hand away from hers, like he’d been burned. He took his bags.

“Again, not your fault” and with that, he left.

It had been a long day. He still needed to get home and fix dinner for his dad, maybe clean his blood from the bathroom floor.

His dad’s car was there. Great.

“Dad?” he called.

“Out the back!” his father yelled back.

He walked to the backyard, seeing his father working on an engine.

“Hey. How was your day?” okay, now that was weird, his dad never asked him about his day; never cared.

“Um, it was okay. Nothing special” he said, fiddling with the ring on his forefinger.

“Why don’t you go make some dinner? We can have a son and father night, watch the game after”.

“Yeah, sure”.

That was extremely weird. Just this morning his father was bashing his head in and now he wanted to watch a game together.

He’d fixed a simple dinner. His dad’s favorite spaghetti recipe. He felt content; he was cooking dinner, his father wanted to spend time with him, and everything seemed fine for the first time today.

He took a moment to quickly mop up his blood still sticking to the bathroom floor.

Again, he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He wondered if John B, Pope, Kiara or even Sarah had ever had to wipe their own blood from the floor. He shook it off, tonight was going well, and he was determined not to ruin it like he always did.

He set the table and called for his dad.

“Dad! Dinner’s ready!”.

He decided all the effort had been worth it, seeing his father’s smile when he spotted the spaghetti on the table.

“My favorite” he said ruffling his hair.

They both sat down and dug in. It was pleasant, they didn’t talk much but enjoyed each other’s company.

They were just about finished when his dad made an off- handed comment.

“Hey, you get along with the Routledge kid?”

“Not really, he’s nice, but we’re not friends”.

“Really?” asked his father in a weird and knowing tone.

JJ could tell, in just a split second the atmosphere in the room had changed.

“I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a sec” he said trying to control his breathing.

He walked fast to the bathroom, looking behind him to make sure his father was still seated at the table.

He closed the door behind him and was about to lock the door when he noticed it. He looked in horror at where the latch used to be on the door. His father had ripped it out. There was a knock on the door.

He jumped, startled.

“You wanna tell me why the Routledge kid has been calling you all day?!” his father yelled on the other side.

‘Oh god. His father had his phone’ he thought, dread filling him. He’d seen John B’s missed calls.

He pushed his back against the door, while his father pounded his fists on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter title inspired by Kina's song "Nobody Cares".


	4. I'll Keep You Safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of Child Abuse.  
> Don't worry John B and Kie will be back next chapter.
> 
> Again I wanna ask you guys what you want in terms of relationships.
> 
> Also I wanna thank you for commenting such sweet things and making my day!💕💕

His dad had done a number on him. Everything hurt, breathing hurt, even more than it did the day before. He was sure at least one of his ribs was broken now. He took small jagged breaths as to not upset his ribs anymore. His wrist was sprained or broken, who knew?

Bruises coated his entire torso, his knees bloody with reopened wounds. His face looked like a Picasso painting, splotches of color in weird shapes decorating it.

He’d missed a whole day. He’d woken up so sore and tired that he’d decided to stay in bed for the day. He wasn’t sure he could even stand up. He’d placed a chair under the door knob in his room, since the bathroom wasn’t safe anymore. No room in the house was safe anymore.

The chair wouldn’t stop his dad from breaking into his room if he wanted to, but maybe it would give him some time to climb out of the window and get away.

Aside from the unbearable pain, it had been a peaceful day. His father had been out all day, most likely getting high with his dealer. He’d sneaked out for a second, stumbling and hunched over from the pain in his mid- section and gotten his phone back from his dad’s room.

He needed the phone. He had given his phone number for all those job interviews he had scheduled during the next couple of days. He’d hesitated before opening the door to his father’s room. He knew his father would notice he had taken the phone, but he needed a job if he was gonna keep himself and his father alive.

He opened the door, flinching as it creaked; like even if his father wasn’t there, he somehow would know that at that very second JJ was breaking into his room. He made quick work of getting his phone from his father’s bedside table, stealing a glance to his mother’s picture next to it. He pulled his gaze away from it, not wanting to think about it, not wanting to get in that mindset.

He then left his father’s room, locking the door behind him, leaving it as it was.

His dad was right, John B had called him multiple times throughout the day. He couldn’t bring himself to return the calls or to even send a message. He knew what he had done at the beach was extremely rude and John B probably didn’t want to talk to him now that he had ignored all of his calls on top of it. In the back of his mind he knew there was a possibility John B had told his dad about it and he would get fired when he showed up next week to mow their lawn.

He hoped John B had enough sympathy to refrain from doing that.

He spent the rest of the day in and out of sleep, willing his body to recuperate.

His father didn’t come home that night, he was probably gambling away the small amount of money they did have. He hated him for it, but he was thankful for the night of rest. He couldn’t take another beating so soon.

He’d woken up the next day, still sore but able to move somewhat normally. His wrist hurt more than it did the day before, which usually meant it was broken and it wasn’t a measly sprain. His ribs hurt all the same. He knew they would for a while. Rib injuries took too much time to heal. But his face felt better, although still sporting the same wild coloring. His knees felt weak, but the cuts looked clean and free from infection.

He had an interview today that he had to get ready for. He felt good about it, it was for Heyward, who he had worked for before. He knew Heyward liked him, from what Pope had said, respected how hard he worked because Heyward himself had worked as hard.

Despite it all, he couldn’t show up looking like he had just crawled out of hell that same morning. He wouldn’t be let past the gates if he showed up bloody and smelling like a sewer rat. He took a quick shower and put on the nicest, cleanest t- shirt he had. He couldn’t do much about the shorts, he only had two pairs, and both were equally as muddy. He tried to clean up his boots as much as the beaten-up leather would allow. He even combed his wild hair back.

A few hours later he got a message from Heyward’s assistant, detailing the time of the interview. He still had about an hour left before he needed to get going, so he distracted himself by cleaning up the house. Throwing out the empty beer bottles on the floor, the empty prescription pill bottles on the coffee table and the mess he had made during the last of his father’s attacks. The carpet was ripped out in certain places, were he had clutched on to it to avoid being pulled back by his father. There was indent on the wall in the living room, were his father had missed and punched it instead of his stomach. A lamp was broken on the floor, were JJ had thrown it hoping it would slow his father down, maybe trip him up.

He cleaned what he could. There wasn’t much he could do for the wall or that poor lamp.

And then came the time to leave. He got on his bike and drove all the way to Heyward’s, showing his ID at the gate when the security guard looked at him weirdly. He climbed the marble steps up to the Heyward residence, feeling his hands getting clammy with nerves.

Heyward’s assistant greeted him at the front door. She was a nice woman, in her 40s probably, she’d always been nice to him. Had even given him his birthday off last winter, despite the yard being covered in snow. She guided him to the living room where he was to wait for Heyward.

“Is the next one here yet?” he heard Heyward asking from upstairs. So they had already interviewed others, that probably wasn’t good, less of a chance to get hired.

“Yes sir” Molly, the assistant, yelled back.

And Heyward came downstairs, looking like he had just come from a wedding. He would never understand why rich people would dress up just to stay at home.

“JJ, my boy! I haven’t seen you in months!” Heyward said bringing him in for a hug. He took a second to inspect his face, taking in the bruising.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy you know”.

“You too busy for me now?” JJ shook his head with a smile. “Now, you gonna tell me who did that to your face?” he asked sternly.

“Oh you know, got jumped the other day, didn’t have any money on me at least. Serves them right” he lied with a laugh.

“So you wanna work for me again?” Heyward asked him, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I mean if you give me the job”.

“Job is yours boy. I need someone I can trust with fixing my up my boat. And I trust you. If you want it, it’s yours”.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Thank you”.

“No need to thank me. People like you and me, we gotta help each other” Heyward said.

Heyward had grown up in The Cut. They were made from the same cloth. But Heyward had a good business brain and had taken the right opportunities to get to where he was. He was still from The Cut though and would never forget it. Heyward would provide jobs for people at The Cut, donate to the school when he could. He was just an all-around good man who had had it rough, who was now rich but would never forget where he’d come from.

“You come here every day, in the morning, and work on it for a couple of hours” Heyward explained.

“Done” JJ said. “I can start now, if you want”.

“Don’t you have a job to get to? Last I heard you were working at that Kook- infested hotel” joked Heyward.

“Yeah, well not anymore” he explained with a sigh. “So I can take a look at the boat, see what I’m gonna need”.

And with that, Heyward nodded and asked Molly to guide him to the garage.

He spent a couple of minutes inspecting the boat. It clearly had some sentimental value if Heyward wanted someone he could trust to work on it. Heyward was rich as fuck, when a boat broke, he could afford another ten. He jotted down on his phone the equipment he would need. He went back into the house, to let Heyward know he was leaving, when he spotted Pope sitting on the couch playing video games.

“Hey” he said coldly once he noticed JJ standing there. “What are you doing here?”

“I- I’m gonna fix the boat for your dad” he explained, pointing back to the garage with his hand.

“What happened to your face?” he asked. And JJ could tell that he was mad. He knew that he had practically ran away from them at the beach and then ignored John B’s million calls.

“Got jumped”.

There was a moment silence. JJ knew he had fucked it up and they hated him now. Not like they were friends at any point, but at least they had treated him right.

“Okay… so I’m gonna leave. Tell your dad I’ll be back tomorrow morning” he said walking past Pope and heading for the door.

“Why did you do it? Did we do something to upset you?” Pope asked from behind him.

JJ turned around, looking confused, “No, of course not”.

“The why? I’d like to think we were pretty civil to you. You saw us, at the beach, I know you did. John B tried convincing himself that you were too far away to recognize us, but it’s bullshit and you know it. You saw us and you practically ran the other way” Pope said, each second that passed making JJ feel more guilty than he already did. “John B said you had agreed to hang out and stuff. He was so excited to see you there and then, he tried calling you time and time again, but you ignored all his calls”.

JJ stood there, frozen for half a second, when Pope shook his head and scoffed.

He walked back to the couch and stood in front of Pope.

“I’m sorry. Let me explain, okay?”

With that, Pope looked up from his controller. He seemed to be thinking about it. Then he nodded at him, wordlessly telling him to go ahead and explain himself.

“I ran away from you because I was embarrassed” he started. “I got fired that morning. I was having a really bad day and I didn’t want to have to lie or explain that I’d been fired. It’s stupid, I haven’t known you guys for long, but I know you’re not like other Kooks. I know you wouldn’t judge me or make fun of me for it, but I couldn’t help it okay. I was just embarrassed”.

He felt Pope’s hand pulling at his shirt for him to sit down on the couch.

“We wouldn’t do that. We wouldn’t make you feel like that, ever” he whispered, sincerely.

“I know that now, but in the moment…” he said. “I couldn’t help it. I had started running before even realizing what I was doing”.

“What about John B?” he asked carefully. “You still ignored his calls”.

“I actually didn’t”

“You did. He called you all day” Pope argued, getting angry again.

“I know that, but I wasn’t ignoring him” he repeated. “My dad lost his phone, so he took mine without telling me. I didn’t get it back until yesterday, and by then I figured he wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore. You can ask your dad’s assistant, I called for the job interview from the information stand down at the pier because I realized I didn’t have my phone”.

That seemed to finally appease Pope.

“He’s not mad at you, you know” Pope said. “I was. Kie too. John B was just disappointed. If you explain it to him, it’ll be fine”.

JJ took a deep breath. “I will, tonight. I’ll give him a call and explain”.

“Good” and finally, Pope smiled at him. It was a comforting, warm and familiar smile. He then took JJ’s hand in his, inadvertently upsetting JJ’s more than likely broken wrist.

He couldn’t help but let out a yelp.

“Dude, is your wrist broken? What the hell?” Pope whispered- yelled.

“Probably”.

“What do you mean probably?”

“I haven’t gone to the doctor, don’t have insurance. Pretty sure it is though, the dudes that jumped me twisted it” he almost felt bad for lying, but he couldn’t risk telling the truth.

With that Pope got up, pulling JJ with him “Come on. We’re going to get that checked out. My dad will pay for it”.

“No way dude. I’m not gonna make your dad pay my hospital bills” he tried to argue and pull his not-broken wrist out of Pope’s hold.

“He loves you; he won’t mind. In fact he’ll want to do it. You can’t work on the boat without having a cast on it at least”.

“I- I, okay I guess”.

“Great. We’re going to get that wrist of yours fixed up and we’re meeting Kiara for lunch. Then you’ll give John B a call and explain”.

JJ found he couldn’t argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter title inspired by Sagun's song "I'll keep you safe".


	5. To Build A Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after all your comments I decided to finally make JJ bi in this story. I'm bi myself, so it meant a lot that you guys wanted to see that. However, who knows who JJ will end up with? JB? Pope? Kiara? Sarah? Or someone else?

Pope had driven him to the hospital, given his father’s information at the front desk. JJ didn’t really know how to respond to that. He’d never had anyone take him to the hospital and wanting to take care of him. He felt so grateful to Pope, and Heyward as well. Pope had called his dad in advance, asking if it was okay that he take JJ to the hospital and get his wrist checked out. Heyward hadn’t hesitated for a second, he’d made a joke and told Pope to drive safely.

He wondered if that was what having a real family felt like. Having someone take care of you and to feel safe in their care. He felt tears well up in his eyes but shook them away before Pope could catch a glimpse.

He’d been directed to a waiting room, where he and Pope had sat down. His leg moving up and down rapidly with nerves. It had been a while since he’d been in a hospital. The thought that the doctor could ask about the injuries to his face and become suspicious made him feel incredibly uneasy.

He’d been immersed in his own spiraling thoughts when he felt Pope’s hand slide into his, keeping it firmly in a comforting hold. He thanked Pope silently, with a look, but was confident that Pope had understood.

When his name was finally called by a nurse, Pope stood up, still holding his hand and gently guided him into the room.

He sat on the stretcher, Pope beside him drawing small circles on the back of his hand with his thumb.

The nurse came in and proceeded to ask him about the nature of his injuries, the pain level, etc.

“Um, I think my wrist may be broken or at least badly sprained” the nurse nodded jotting it down, she looked up at his face.

“What about your face?” she said pointing with her pen in the general direction of his face.

“It doesn’t hurt that bad, I don’t think my nose is broken or anything” he explained quietly, feeling her eyes narrow.

“How did it happen?” she asked.

“I uh, I got jumped. I’m from The Cut you know, was walking home and some guys jumped me” he lied. And JJ could tell she didn’t buy it.

“Okay kid, the doctor will be right in to take a look at it” and with that she left, closing the door behind her.

There were a few minutes of silence before the doctor came in. He took a look at the nurse’s notes and nodded to himself before coming towards him and Pope.

“Okay, I’m going to move your wrist in different directions. You tell me when it hurts” the doctor explained.

He nodded and for the next few minutes the doctor bent his wrist every which way while he muttered quite ‘that hurts’ at every painful turn.

“It’s definitely broken, but it’s not that bad of a fracture. You’ll need a cast. Come back in a couple of weeks to get it taken off” the doctor told him. “The nurse will be back in a minute to get you your cast. Your friend has to wait outside for that”.

JJ tensed at that and Pope tightened his grip on his hand but let go and left dragging his feet when the nurse came back.

She prepared his cast without a word, seemingly lost in thought. When she got done and JJ was about to leave, she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Kid you and I both know you didn’t get jumped” she said, and JJ was about to protest when she interrupted him.

“Did he do this?” she asked motioning to the door, to Pope waiting outside the closed door. “Did your boyfriend do this?”

That had left JJ speechless. Like Pope would ever be capable of hurting anyone, it was so out of left field that he couldn’t help but laugh.

“He’s not my boyfriend, first of all” he started. “And he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Like I said, I was jumped on my way home”.

She didn’t seem all that convinced, but she let it go.

Pope was waiting for him outside, munching on a cereal bar from the vending machine.

“What took so long?” he said exasperated.

“She thought you were my boyfriend and I was covering for you beating the shit out of me” he said laughing. “She tried to interrogate me or whatever”.

“Well, that would be pretty out of character for me” Pope responded cackling loudly.

“I know right. Like you’d ever date someone like me. And everyone knows you’d never hurt anyone” he laughed too. “I don’t know how she got that idea”.

“Right” Pope had become somewhat quiet.

“Anyway, let’s get going. We’re supposed to meet Kie at The Wreck in about half an hour”.

JJ followed Pope to the car silently. He rested his head against the window while Pope called his father with updates. The ride to the restaurant was silent at first, but then Pope seemed to get over whatever had been bothering him and he became his chatty self again.

JJ was grateful for that, Pope’s lively conversation put him in a good mood. He even found himself contributing and making some jokes too. It felt nice, to be normal for once. Like he was just a kid having a silly conversation with a friend.

They pulled up to The Wreck still laughing. His cheeks were beginning to hurt, not used to the feeling.

Kiara was waiting for them at a table. Or maybe she had been waiting just for Pope. Her smile disappeared as soon as she saw him. Her expression turned hostile. Yeah, Pope had definitely not told her he was coming too.

He fought the urge to turn around and run. That was why she was mad in the first place, because he’d avoided them and ran like they had some sort of disease. So he gathered his courage and sat down in front of her.

“I know you hate me right now, but I had my reasons. I can explain, if you’d let me” he offered sheepishly.

She flat- out ignored him and turned to Pope.

“Why is he here?”.

Okay that stung.

“Just hear him out, okay?” Pope pleaded with her.

She sighed and settled back into her chair.

“Okay, first things first, I’m really sorry for what I did” she softened slightly at that and gave him a sign to continue.

“I got fired that morning for being late and I know it was stupid, but I didn’t want to have to explain it to you guys. I had this weird idea in my head that you guys would think less of me or mock me”. He stopped for his rapid rant to take a breath. “And, my dad took my phone that day, that’s why I didn’t pick up John B’s calls. Pope can confirm. I got a job fixing his dad’s boat, I had to call from the pier because I didn’t have my phone. By the time I got it back, I thought you guys would be too mad to want to talk to me, so I didn’t bother. I’m sorry. And then I got jumped the other day, so I didn’t even have time to think about apologizing, but Pope here has convinced me to call John B later”.

She got up from her seat, and JJ thought she would turn around and leave. That’s not what she did. She sat down in the chair next to his and enveloped him with her arms. JJ was frozen in place; he couldn’t remember the last time someone had hugged him. It had probably been his mother, but he didn’t think her embrace was as comforting as Kiara’s was. He felt something unlock inside of him and didn’t have time to think before his arms wrapped around her too. He felt her hand caressing the back of his head, ruffling the hair there. His ribs were hurting from the force of the hug, but he hugged her tighter anyway.

When they finally pulled away, she brought her delicate hand to his discolored cheek.

“We would never make fun of you, much less for getting fired” she said sadly. “I’m sorry if we ever made it seem like that”.

“You didn’t. It’s just the Kook thing to do, so I thought…” he responded trying to find the right words. “But I know now you guys are not like that. I was just being stupid”. That was that, they didn’t bring it up again.

And then the food was there. They ate heartily, laughing and conversing. JJ thought this was the first time he’d felt so at ease while in a group setting. It felt familiar, to be talking and having fun with them, like he’d known them his whole life. Like he was meant to be with them. Kiara remained pressed to his side the whole meal, a warm and supporting presence by his side.

Once he’d finished his meal, Pope announced he had to leave and get studying for an upcoming test.

“But I’ll see you tonight for movie night, Kie? At yours? JJ can come too, right?” he asked gathering his backpack and his car keys.

“Of course he’s coming. He’s one of us now” she said winking at JJ.

A warm feeling spread through his chest. So different from the pain he’d felt seeing them interact with their families. Different from the cold he’d felt seeing the three friends together when he was still on the outside, locked out. Different from the anguish he felt at his father’s cruel words and hard punches.

This was happiness. He felt happy, for the first time in years. He felt included. They thought of him as a friend now. He had friends now. He likes to think no one noticed him tearing up, but he felt Kiara inching closer to him.

They stayed there for hours, just the two of them, even after Pope had left. She asked a billion questions, adamant that now that he was part of the group, she needed to know everything about him.

“Favorite color?” she asked taking a small bite of a french fry left over on her plate.

“Purple”.

“Favorite sport?”

“Surfing” she laughed at that. Of course it was surfing, they lived in the Outer Banks.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“I’ve had some flings, but never anything serious”.

“So you’re straight?” she asked. For some reason she sounded concerned at that, but her face wore an expression of relief.

“I- uh”.

“Don’t worry, I don’t care about that stuff” she assured him, her hand gripping his thigh as if to let him know he could confide in her.

“Um, okay. I’m bi then” he said still kind of worried. “Never been with a guy, but when you know you know”.

She laughed hard at that and JJ let out a sigh of relief, she really didn’t care.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told” he admitted.

“Why’s that?” she asked.

“People don’t take that stuff too well at The Cut. You either become pray for the bullies or chum for the sharks” he said, lost in thought.

“Don’t know what that means, but okay”.

She stood up and offered her hand to him. He took it with hesitation and followed her out of The Wreck and into her car.

“Where are we going?” he asked, buckling his seatbelt.

“Told you. Movie night at my place. You’re coming” it wasn’t a question. “You help me set up and then you can call John B”.

He nodded and settled into the car seat, exhaustion coming to bite him in the ass. He was asleep during the whole drive to Kiara’s. She shook him awake gently.

“Hey, we’re here”.

“Why didn’t you wake me? Must’ve been a boring drive” he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“You looked too cute. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up” she said smiling softly, combing with her fingers through his tussled hair.

They went into her house without another word. It was obviously empty, all theirs for the night. Her parents were out for the week for business, looking into opening other restaurants in the state.

She lent him some of her dad’s pajamas. When he came out of the bathroom, she was preparing some nachos and getting the popcorn into the microwave. She was wearing this adorable duck pajama set and he couldn’t help but laugh. She shut him up with a death glare.

He helped her set up the coffee table with all of the snacks and drinks. It took some time for them to pick a movie, but they finally agreed on some horror movie JJ didn’t even remember the name of.

She sat on the couch and he between her legs on the carpet. She played with his hair, making him relax.

A few minutes later he decided to finally call John B and give him the apology he deserved. He relayed this to Kiara, who assured him she would be there the whole time to help him through it.

He looked for the missed calls and took a deep breath before his shaking finger could press the ‘return call’ icon.

Holding his breath he waited for John B to pick up the phone. Just when he was about to give up, when he thought John B was ignoring the call and giving him a taste of his own medicine; that’s when he heard that familiar voice.

“Hey, why are you calling?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter title inspired by The Cinematic Orchestra song "To build a home".
> 
> And I want to take a moment to thank everyone who is reading my story, leaving kudos and commenting. It took me a long time to gather the courage to post one of my stories, so it makes me happy that you guys are enjoying it!


	6. Be Alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of sexual harassment of a minor.
> 
> First of all I want to say thank you to everyone reading. I can't believe I'm at 1K hits for my first story. 
> 
> Second, this is somewhat of a shorter chapter. I had a couple of assignments to finish and couldn't write as much as I wanted to. Finals are approaching too so I don't know if I'm gonna be able to update as fast as I have been. I hope you guys understand.
> 
> Also, a few days ago I never thought I would ever post one of my own stories. So if any of you have been wanting to write for some time, just do it, it's scary at first. But trust me, posting it is the hardest step, everything is uphill from then. The Outer Banks fics have been pretty scarce the last few days, so just try and get motivated to write. We need more content!!!

“Hey” he said, feeling the hostile tone on the other line.

“I thought you didn’t have time for me” John B answered. “I tried to defend you; you know. When Pope and Kiara said you were purposefully avoiding us, I defended you. But then I called you all day and not a single text at the very least”.

“I know that. I know you did. Thank you for that. I didn’t deserve it”.

“I’m not mad”.

“I know that too. You’re too nice for that”.

“I’m disappointed. I thought we had bonded. If you didn’t want to talk to me or hang out with me, you didn’t have to say so just because my dad is your boss. He’s not gonna pay you more for being my friend” John B said. And okay, that last bit had stung.

“I know. I genuinely do want to talk to you, to hang out, to be your friend” he said sincerely. He could feel Kiara’s hands still comfortingly nestled into his hair.

“You do?” John B said with a hint of hope in his voice.

“I do” he responded, smiling. “It was stupid. I’ve talked to Pope and Kiara already, so it’s the third time I’m explaining it. Basically, I got fired from the hotel, after I left your house. So I was ashamed and ran away from you”.

“Why’d you get fired?” John B asked concerned.

“I was late. You Kooks don’t tend to like that. I was embarrassed, but also really concerned. That job was my main source of incoming and I didn’t feel like talking about it with anyone. But it’s fine now, Heyward gave me a job”.

“That’s good. I don’t want you to have to worry”.

“I still worry, but Heyward pays well. I’ll be fine”.

“What about the calls?” asked John B having forgotten about that part.

“Oh, that! My dad lost his phone and took mine. I didn’t even see the calls until later. I thought you hated me, so I didn’t try to call you back”.

“Your dad took your phone?” John B asked incredulously.

“Yeah. We don’t really get along. I didn’t even notice he had taken it until much later. I have proof, you can ask Pope”.

“I don’t need proof. I believe you”.

He cleared his throat, “Do you maybe wanna hang out now? I’m at Kiara’s. Pope’s coming too”.

“I’d like that” John B responded.

“Okay. See you later, then?” JJ asked, already knowing the answer but asking anyways.

“I’ll be there in ten”.

“Kay. Bye then” and he hung up with that.

He took a deep breath then. He looked up at Kiara from where he was sitting in between her legs, craning his neck up to gaze up at her through his hair. She dropped a sweet kiss onto his forehead.

“You did good”

“Thanks. I was nervous, I didn’t think he would be that nice about it”.

“That’s JB for you”.

They took some time to relax together. Kiara put on some Marley. Why did that fit her so well? He felt like he knew these people like the back of his hand when a couple of days ago he hadn’t spoken to them, other than offering them an entrée at a party.

It felt good, to be appreciated. His dad had never treated him like they were, with love. Even when his mother had been alive, his dad had never cared for him much. At least back then he ignored JJ, now he wished his father would ignore him.

They’d waited for Pope and John B, silently vibing to the music when they finally decided to show up.

“So how come you guys are best friends now?” asked John B looking at the scene before him, JJ having moved to rest his head on Kiara’s lap while she cruised her Instagram feed.

“You know, I think it was meant to be” he responded with a smile on his face.

John B and Pope sat on the couch beside them, it was a tight fit, but he looked so comfortable and content laying across Kie’s lap that no one dared to say anything.

They’d eaten and watched the movie he and Kie had picked out. To be honest, he had barely paid attention to the movie or to the conversation going on behind him. He was just happy to be there, with them.

He had kind of snapped out of it when he heard the group talking about the rest of the Kooks.

“Topper is just an asshole; you know how he is” said Pope solemnly.

“Well you shouldn’t have to put up with it” John B said, shaking his head.

That had woken him up completely. He sat up, startling Kie in the process.

“Does he bother you?” he asked Pope, getting defensive.

“He just doesn’t like that I’m smarter than him, but it’s not that bad” Pope said trying to calm JJ down.

“If he ever touches you…”

“Hey! Don’t worry, he just makes fun of me sometimes, but I don’t think he’d ever do more than that” Pope said setting a hand on JJ’s shoulder.

“Okay…”

“I can’t stand her bitch of a girlfriend either. That whole group is just…” Kiara added.

At that, JJ perked up again.

“Sarah?” he asked.

“Yeah, she makes my skin crawl” she said shuddering at the thought.

“I, uh, I actually know her. She’s pretty nice. At least she’s always been nice to me” JJ started. “She helped me out the other day. I didn’t have enough money for groceries, she lent me some money”. It still felt somewhat shameful to talk about his money struggles with his rich friends, but he was more comfortable with the idea now.

“She did? That’s out of character” Kiara scoffed. “How do you know her anyways?”

“I worked at her place for a couple of summers. Had to quit last summer though” he trailed off.

John B frowned at that “You had to quit. What do you mean you had to quit?”

“Um, you know, just trouble with Ward” he said, hoping they wouldn’t ask about it anymore.

“Did he not like you? Or what?” Pope asked, because of course he would. Pope always asked too many questions for his own good.

“No, no. He, uh, he liked me a bit too much” he said quietly, wishing they hadn’t heard.

“I don’t like the sound of that. What the hell do you mean by that?” asked Kiara, getting closer to him, worry coating her voice.

“It’s not that big of a deal. He got a bit too close too many times. He crossed a line one day, but Sarah was there. She helped me out and I quit the next day” he explained.

That did not seem to make the three Kooks calm down. They shared a worried look.

“It wasn’t that bad. He didn’t get anywhere. Sarah was there before he even got a chance” he tried.

“That doesn’t make it okay” said Kiara sweetly, brushing his hair back with the fingers.

“I know that, but it’s fine. I’m fine” he attempted to convince them.

“If he ever touches you again…” said John B menacingly.

“I just try and avoid him if I see him around town. I turn around or cross the street, you know. I don’t think he’d do anything. He’s probably found another 15 year old pool boy to drool over”.

“What happened that day? Before you quit” asked Pope, again with the invasive questions.

Kiara elbowed him in the ribs, “Ignore him. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to”.

“It’s okay. Like I said, it wasn’t that bad” he began. “I was in the pool house, getting some equipment to clean out their pool. He came in after me, closed the door. He’d given me a weird vibe before, you know. He always seemed to leave to little space in between him and I. But I didn’t think he’d try anything” he paused, taking a second to swallow hardly. “I didn’t suspect anything at first. I just thought he wanted to get something from there, but then he came onto me. He grabbed me and kissed me. I tried pushing him away, but he was too strong. I thought, in that moment, I thought he was going to…” he said looking at them. Fear in his eyes. “That was when Sarah came in. He’d seen him going in behind me and closing the door. I think she knew, that he liked me or whatever. She pushed him off of me and I bolted out of the house. Sent them my resignation the next day”.

It was John B who came forward and took JJ in his arms. He felt safe with them, he did. He wasn’t all that affected by what had transpired last summer. He’d felt fear in the moment, sure, but now he just felt disgusted whenever he saw Ward around town. He wasn’t scared of him. If he ever tried to even talk to him, he was confident he would beat the dude to a bloody pulp. Anyhow, it helped to know he had the support of his friends, that they would be there if he ever needed it.

Before he knew it, both Kie and Pope had joined in. It felt good, to be surrounded by people who genuinely loved him. He felt John B’s strong muscles surrounding him, Pope’s warm and gentle touch, Kie’s soft and secure presence.

It was more than he’d ever had. It occurred to him that this was the most he’d ever had. He had a job for someone who respected him and didn’t treat him like dirt, he had three great friends who saw him for who he was, he had another semi- friend who had saved him from something horrific. He would still struggle financially; his dad still beat him; but it all seemed so minuscule in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter title inspired by Dean Lewis' song "Be alright".


	7. The Cold Night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is violence in this chapter, although not too descriptive. For once it's not between JJ and his dad.
> 
> Also I have not yet decided the relationship thing, so keep commenting what you want to happen!
> 
> Thank you again, for all of the support. I can't believe all the hits, kudos and comments I'm getting. I want you all to know that I genuinely really appreciate it.

The rest of the night had been quiet. They’d fallen asleep in the same position they’d been in before. Snuggling on the couch, all of them wrapping their arms around whatever part of JJ they could reach. Kie was hanging onto his back like a koala, her hands coming around his mid- section. John B was facing him, JJ’s head in the crook of his neck. Pope stayed on the other side of the couch simply because there was no more space, but that didn’t stop him from tangling his legs with JJ’s. He felt protected, surrounded by warmth, like nothing could touch him in that moment. He smiled himself to sleep, a rarity for him.

He’d woken up alone, that healing warmth gone and, for a second, he thought he had imagined everything. It came to him that his couch was nowhere near that comfortable, that his house never felt that warm and didn’t smell that nice. He managed, eventually, to open his eyes. And yeah, he was definitely not at his place. This was Kie’s house, last night had happened. He had opened up to them about something difficult and they had held him close until he’d fallen asleep.

He got the strength to leave the couch and unwrap himself from the thick layer of blankets someone had thrown over him. He stood up unsteadily, sleep still thick in his body. His legs felt like a two year old’s, learning how to walk.

He went around the corner towards the kitchen where he could hear his friends laughing and whispering, most likely trying not to wake him.

“Hey, look who’s up!” Kie said walking towards him in a dirty apron. “You sleep well?”

“Yeah, I’ve never slept that much in my life” he said sleepily rubbing his eyes.

The other two greeted him briefly, clearly to preoccupied with not burning whatever was on the stove.

“You hungry?” asked Kie sitting on the counter, pulling him to sit down as well.

That was the moment his stomach decided to start being its loud self and roared. Kie laughed at that, urging Pope and John B to finish making breakfast.

He ate happily, thanking the powers above for granting him another meal so soon after the last one.

The gang had invited him to one of those Kook parties that day. Midsummers. It wasn’t his first time being there, but he was usually there for work. Now he would really get to experience what being at one of those parties was like.

He still had to go work on Heyward’s boat for a couple of hours and Pope had offered to lend him some fancy clothes for the party, so he would just get changed there. Once they’d finished breakfast, he bid his temporary goodbyes to Kie and John B. He and Pope always seemed to be in the car together, it had become like their thing, to sing along to music and have great conversations while Pope drove. It felt so carefree, like he didn’t have a single worry; which to be fair, he knew wasn’t true, but he could pretend for a few hours.

“Dad, you home?!” yelled out Pope.

Heyward walked downstairs then, looking surprised seeing them come in together. He greeted them both with a slap on the shoulder.

“Hey, I’m gonna start on the boat” he said going out back towards the garage where Heyward’s precious boat was kept.

“You guys friends now?” Heyward had asked Pope.

“Yeah, he’s really nice” Pope responded smiling.

“I’m proud of you son. For not letting prejudice get the best of you” Heyward said hugging his son. “That boy needs someone to be there for him”.

He’d worked for about two hours, trying to get as much done as humanly possible. He’d walked back into the house, wiping the sweat on his browbone. He smiled softly, upon seeing Pope and his father researching college options together, lovingly disagreeing on the program of some fancy university.

He cleared his throat, making his presence known.

“Dad we’ll talk about it tomorrow” he excused himself. “We invited JJ to Midsummers. We have to get ready or we’ll be late”.

“Okay son. JJ, you got anything to wear?” Heyward asked him.

“Pope is lending me a suit, if that’s okay” he responded.

Heyward nodded, smiling warmly at him, “You two have fun”.

Pope had lent him a beautiful grey suit and a dress shirt. They were about the same height, so it looked alright on him. It showed off his muscles a bit more than they would Pope’s, since the other boy was a lot leaner. He looked good. The bruises on his face had mostly faded by now and Pope had lent him some product to slick his hair back. The ugly cast protecting his wrist was still showing under the suit jacket, but he couldn’t do much about it.

They arrived fashionably late, Kie and Pope already waiting by the bar. Kie whistled loudly as she saw him, patting his arms where the suit jacket stretched around his bicep.

He didn’t feel completely comfortable with the situation, surrounded by Kooks who he had worked for at some point or who hated him for not having money. He could feel the stares on him, digging into the back of his neck. At some point he’d decided to try and just have fun with his friends.

He’d had a couple of drinks, most of which he didn’t know what was in them. He’d been dancing carelessly with Kie, her back to his front feeling the music. He was having fun, forgetting where he was. He felt a poke on his shoulder.

“You have a lot of guts showing your face around here” Rose Cameron, talking to him, anger in her voice. She looked, well, she looked rich. She wore a stupid crown on her head, which to him made her look like Lady Liberty.

“I, what?” he asked confused. His friends gathered behind him, confused as well, but ready to jump in if they needed to.

“Don’t give me that. You have an affair with my husband and you dare to show your face in my house” she whispered- yelled, her delicate finger pointing accusatorily at him.

“Now’s not the time for this” Pope provided.

“Oh I think it is” she scoffed, grabbing JJ by the lapel of his jacket.

That was when John B jumped in, creating space between her and JJ.

“I always suspected it you know. He never looked at me the way he looked at you, but then…” she started. “That day, I saw you two going in the pool house together, locking the door. I knew then”.

“Is that what he told you? Because it looked a bit different from my perspective” JJ tried to reason with her.

That had only angered her more. JJ could practically see the smoke coming out of her ears, the vein popping out on her forehead, her hands clenching around her wine glass so hard he thought it would burst.

And, to be fair, the wine did spill, but not because she had broken her glass out of rage. She had thrown it at him and walked away with a new pep in her step.

He remained in shock for a second, the thought that this was Pope’s suit present in the back of his head. He became dangerously aware of everyone at the party looking at him, mostly everyone in disgust, his friends in distress.

He couldn’t be there anymore. He needed to get out. He ignored his friends’ pleas and headed inside the house, not really knowing where he was going. By some miracle he ended up in the bathroom. He immediately went to the sink and attempted to get the wine stains out of Pope’s shirt. Great, another thing he had fucked up. The Cameron’s marriage, the party and now Pope’s expensive clothes. He knew he would never be able to pay Pope back. The shirt was probably a year’s worth of work for him, maybe more. He rubbed desperately at the stains, to no avail.

Then the door to the bathroom flew open, startling him slightly. In came Rafe, Topper and Kelce. ‘Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse’ JJ reflected.

“Here he is boys! Where you hiding from us?” Rafe laughed.

That was the one sign he needed to know that he should probably start running. He bolted for the door, but Kelce had grabbed him and caged him in choke hold.

“I wonder what my girlfriend sees in your useless Pogue ass” Topper came forward. “Considering you fucked her dad and all”.

“Yeah, how was it JJ, fucking my dad?” Rafe whispered getting too close to his face, fury pouring out of his pores.

“I knew you’d gotten fired from my dad’s hotel, but I didn’t know it was that bad. Is that what you have to do for money now?” teased Topper.

He was starting to get lightheaded with the strong hold Kelce had against his throat. He sucked in air as hard as he could, willing it to fill his lungs before it came out with a cough.

“How much did he pay you, huh?” and the dam broke. Rafe’s fist collided with his stomach, making him double over in pain.

He tried elbowing Kelce, hoping to get free, but the other boy was too strong.

“Oh come on, you didn’t really think you could just come to the party and it would be like you were one of us” Topper ridiculed him. “You’ll never fit in here. No matter who your friends are. Speaking of which, where are they?”

And JJ couldn’t help but agree. Where were they? Were they ashamed to be seen with him now?

“Everyone could tell what you were with one look at you” Rafe's poisonous dug at his already shaky sense of self- worth. “How much for a round?” he muttered.

JJ spit straight at him, angering Rafe even more, but he didn’t have the strength to fight back. He slumped back against Kelce and let it all happen.

There were a few more punches thrown, till they left him alone in the bathroom, having gotten bored of his lack of response.

He dragged himself out of the bathroom, limping and breathing heavily. He walked purposefully to the front door. Just as he was about to leave, the gang came in shouting for him to wait for them.

He turned around slowly, every movement hurting.

Upon seeing their shocked faces tears started running down his face.

“Are you okay?” asked Kie quietly.

“Do I look okay?” he smiled a watery laugh.

She leapt forward ready to take him into her arms. He flinched back violently.

“I’m just gonna leave” he said opening the door. She nodded sadly.

“We’ll hang out tomorrow?” asked John B looking hopeful.

“I don’t think so” he answered wiping the tears away from his face.

“What- why not?” asked Pope.

“Who was I trying to fool?” JJ said with new tears to replace the old. “This world is not for me. It’s never going to be. It’s been really nice being friends with you, but I think I’ve had enough of the parties and the odd looks from people. I’ll always be just a dirty Pogue and there is no need to deny it”.

None of them said anything after that.

He looked at Pope “I’ll pay you back for the suit. I’ll give your dad a call and tell him to find someone else to fix his boat”.

And with that he left, still crying like a baby, and walked home in the cold night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *No song inspired chapter title this time, what is happening to me?!


	8. I've Found Peace In Your Violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: explicit depictions of Child Abuse.  
> Warning: suicidal thoughts. I just want to say that as someone who has stuggled with this, although I'm currently in a very good place, I take it very seriously. If anyone you know is going trough something step up and help, it makes a world of a difference to know people care. If you are going something youself, please ask for help.
> 
> I also want to thank you all for all the support and comments. I didn't post the last 2 days because I had so many assignments to get done, but also because I wanted to take some time to figure out how I want the story to go.
> 
> As you can probably tell from the not so subtle hints in this chapter, I have decided who I want JJ to be with. Sorry if it's not who you wanted, but I can't please everyone.

It had been a week since he’d last seen them, since his life had gone from an all- time high to and all- time low. He’d gone from having no friends, to having three great friends who loved him, to having no friends again. He’d been okay with it before, but now that he had tasted what it felt like to be appreciated, he found himself missing it.

He’d walked home the night of the party, the cold digging its sharp claws into his tender skin. It had taken a few hours to get from Figure Eight to The Cut by foot. By the time he’d gotten home, he was too tired physically and emotionally to deal with his father, so he’d slept on the porch. He had thrown Pope’s jacket over himself, hoping it would provide some warmth.

When he woke up, he was stiff from the biting cold and he was sure he’d caught something, his nose already runny.

Just as he had expected, his father had been furious with him. He’d beaten him black and blue, but somehow had been kind enough to spare his already damaged wrist.

That same day he’d pulled together some of his savings that he had been hiding from his father. It wasn’t much, it was all he could muster. He took Pope’s suit, the money and his resignation letter and left it all with the security guard at the gates at Heyward’s place.

He didn’t have the heart to enter the house and risk facing Pope, or Heyward for that matter.

So he had been completely alone for a solid week. He missed them every day. He missed Pope’s smart rants and dumb comments, he missed Kiara’s tenderness and John B’s safety.

They had all tried to contact him several times, but he had ignored all their calls. He had put his phone on silent until they had given up.

Heyward had contacted him too; he’d left a voicemail asking what had happened and if he needed to hit Pope upside the head for something. He felt bad ghosting Heyward, so he sent a text back, saying he was fine and Pope had nothing to do with it.

He’d gotten a job at some shitty restaurant that didn’t pay very well, but it was better than nothing. His father had been angrier than usual that week, so JJ was out of the house as much as possible. It didn’t stop his father from beating the living shit out of him when he did go home.

***Warning: explicit depictions of child abuse. Read at your own risk.***

He got home from work that day exhausted, having worked an extra shift. His dad was nowhere to be seen, at least for the time being. He decided to get showered and start on his dad’s dinner before he came home. The shower was cold as always, but at least he felt clean enough now. He prepared some dinner as fast as he could and left it at the table for his dad to find. He snacked on whatever was left and immediately went into his room. He placed the chair in front of the door, stopping the knob from turning. He was hoping for a quiet night.

His father would never grant him that, however. JJ knew what was coming as soon as he heard the front door open with a loud bang. He got into survival mode right then. He grabbed his backpack from his closet and filled it with a change of clothes, some money and some snacks he had hidden away in his room.

He was in the process of getting his window open when there was a loud blow to his bedroom door. He knew his dad wouldn’t take long before throwing the door open. His dad had gotten to some renovating when JJ had been hanging with the gang. Unfortunately, his bedroom window, among other things, had been painted shut. He wrestled with the handle, but it would not budge.

In a few seconds time, JJ had gotten nowhere with the stupid window but his father, on the other hand, had finally managed to slam the door open. The chair he’d placed there for protection, had lost one of its legs and the doorknob had been practically ripped out from the outside where his father had been tugging at it. That posed another future problem, with a broken doorknob, the door wouldn’t close properly. There was truly no safe place in that house anymore.

His father stomped towards him, the rage apparent in his gaze.

And JJ did try, but there was not enough room to get around his father. He tried to make a run for it, sprinting past his father. He did make it past the discarded and broken chair on the floor, but before he could make it to the door his dad gad grabbed him by the arm and spun him around to face him.

He grabbed JJ by the face, crushing his jaw under his strong hand.

“I went to the pier today” his father told him, squeezing harder and harder. “You wanna know who I saw?” he asked menacingly.

JJ stayed still and quiet, hoping not to further anger his father.

“The Routledge kid was there. He asked for you, you know. He seemed very concerned”.

“Imagine my surprise. I thought you said you had nothing to do with those fucking Kooks anymore!” he yelled, his drunken breath disorienting JJ.

“I don’t dad” he pleaded. “I haven’t seen them all week”.

“Don’t lie to me boy!” he shouted, jostling JJ so hard he lost his balance. He crashed onto the floor, stopping his fall with his already broken wrist. He yelped in pain, tears welling up in the corner of his eyes.

He looked up at his father from where he was laying, “I swear dad, I haven’t seen them or talked to them”.

“The kid gave this to me. Said to give it to you” and he threw a crumpled letter at JJ. He didn’t have time to read it before his father was on him again. He pinned him down on the floor and proceeded to pummel his face into the ground.

“I will not have a fag for a son!” he yelled in between punches.

JJ did not have a chance to process what was happening. John B didn’t even know he was bisexual, unless Kiara had told him. He didn’t think she would be capable of outing him to anyone even if it was her best friend. It didn’t make sense. What was on that letter?

His father’s hands eventually came around his neck. He couldn’t breathe, he gasped for air, desperately swatting at his father’s hands. His dad did eventually let him go, surely not wanting murder on his record. He squirmed away from his dad, trying to regain his breath.

His father left eventually, leaving him alone in that room. Loud music started, something his father would put on when he wanted to get drunk or high after beating JJ to a bloody pulp. Maybe the aggressive music kept his adrenalin going after a fight.

When they music stopped, he figured his dad had fallen asleep. He took a deep breath, shuddering before leaving the room where just seconds ago his father had been choking him. His dad was in fact snoring on the couch. He went into the bathroom ready to clean and mend his wounds but found he couldn’t bring himself to look at his reflection in the mirror. Normally he knew better than to leave his injures untreated, but this time… this time he couldn’t bear the thought of the handprints he would find on his neck.

* **Warning: suicidal thoughts. Read at your own risk. ***

He stood there for some time, hands gripping the sides of the sink. He eventually opened the medicine cabinet, again, not daring to look at himself in the mirror. He was getting out some rubbing alcohol, some gauze and pomade when from the corner of his eye he saw his father’s pills.

The thought came to him, that he could just end it all in that moment. Down all of his father’s sleeping pills, go to bed and never wake up. He could end the pain right then and there. No more beatings, no more cruel words, no more wishing to be someone he wasn’t. Like flipping a switch. It would all end. He took the bottle, looking at it with wonder, as if it held the secret to happiness.

With his thumb he caressed his father’s name written on the bottle ‘Luke Maybank’. His expression changed, from one to wonder to one of disgust. Disgust at what those pills had done to his family, to the man his father once was. His father would use those pills, as well as other substances, as an escape. JJ would not do the same. He wouldn’t take the easy way out.

He hadn’t noticed the fresh tears pouring down his face, staining the flimsy paper stuck to the bottle, blurring his dad’s name in the process. He gathered all the courage he had left and tossed all the pills down the drain. He knew his father would be livid once he noticed, but he wanted to do what was right. That felt right.

Checking that his father was still asleep, he collected his backpack and John B’s letter from the floor of his bedroom.

The room looked different now that his father had almost strangled him in it. It didn’t look like his bedroom anymore, but a stranger’s. He left without a second thought, pausing by his bike for a minute.

He took his phone out and called the first person he could think of.

***No more warnings.***

“I knew you'd end up calling” Heyward answered the phone with a laugh. “Job is still yours if you want it”.

JJ remained quiet.

“You there, kid?” Heyward asked, now serious.

“I need help” he swallowed with difficulty. “Please help me”.

“Where are you, kid? I’m coming to get you. Stay where you are” JJ could hear shuffling in the background, like Heyward was rushing.

“I’m at my place. Thornton Road, first house to the right” he provided. “Please, please help me”.

“I’m on my way. Do not move” he could hear what sounded like car keys jingling on the other line.

He relaxed then, knowing Heyward was coming and he would keep him safe. He let tears fall again, hanging up with a small ‘thank you’. He lay down on the porch across the steps gripping onto John B’s letter like a lifeline, crying for what felt like hours, but was probably a few minutes, waiting for Heyward to show up.

He did finally hear a car approaching, snapping him out of it. Heyward practically ran out of the car towards him.

“Kid? It’s me” Heyward said hand brushing his unruly hair. “Come on, we’re gonna get you in the car”.

He helped a barely conscious JJ into the passenger seat of his fancy car. He buckled JJ’s seatbelt, noticing JJ didn’t have the strength to do it himself.

“Get some sleep. I’ll wake you when we get home” said Heyward, comfortingly brushing JJ’s hair again.

Huh. Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter title inspired by Khalid's song "Silence".


	9. Loving Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of child abuse and suicidal thoughts.
> 
> I got so many lovely comments after last chapter. I want to thank you all so much.
> 
> Also, I can't believe I've passed 2.5K hits. I never imagined it, thank you all so much!
> 
> This is not a very long chapter but enjoy!

He had woken up in a strange bed, in a room he did not recognize. He tried to recall what had happened the day before, but his memory was too foggy. He could tell from the pain running through his whole body that his dad had beat the shit out of him again.

He recounted the events from the day before. He’d gone to work, taken an extra shift, he’d gotten home really tired, prepared dinner for his father, his father had come into his room and said horrible things while he beat him, he had contemplated ending his life and oh, that’s right.

He had called Heyward. The warm and gentle man had picked him up, he’d fallen asleep in the car. Heyward had probably carried him in somehow. He could tell some of his wounds had been dresses, his bruises iced and cared for.

He willed himself to sit up despite the pain. It took a few minutes before he was able to push himself off the bed and onto his feet. He sauntered downstairs, supporting himself on the railing the whole way down.

Pope and Heyward were having breakfast, chatting absentmindedly.

Pope must have seen him from the corner of his eye, because suddenly he had an armful of Pope surrounding him. Pope pulled away slightly to examine his face.

“What the hell happened to you?” Pope said, tears welling up in his eyes.

“We will talk about it later Pope. Let the kid have some breakfast” Heyward said chastising Pope.

He pulled JJ to sit down at the table, loading his plate with every breakfast food imaginable.

* * *

He’d eaten slowly, knowing he would have to explain what had happened once he was finished. When he did empty his plate, Heyward pulled him to the couch and sat him down gently.

“I need you to tell me what happened, kid. You were really banged up and you were pretty out of it when I got to you” Heyward started. “If you’re in some kind of trouble, we can help you. We’ll call your parents and-” he stopped when JJ interrupted him.

“No! No, no don’t call anyone” he said, panicked.

“JJ, someone beat the shit out of you. I’m sure your dad would like to know” Pope tried to reason with him.

He debated for a minute whether to tell them what had really happened or not. On one hand, he couldn’t risk going to foster care if he did tell them, but if he didn’t… How much further would it go? How long until his father ended up killing him, just like he had tried to do the night before?

“I’m sure my dad is plenty aware of what happened” he muttered.

“What did you say? Kid, what do you mean by that?” Heyward asked, now looking more concerned than before, if that was even possible.

“It was him. He beats me” he said, finally looking up at Heyward, making eye contact. “Last night… last night, he almost killed me. He saw John B down at the pier, he gave my dad a note for me. I haven’t read it yet, but uh, whatever it says it really angered my father. He started choking me and I thought- I thought I wasn’t gonna make it. I thought I was gonna die”.

You could hear a pin-drop in that room.

“I wanted to. After everything. When my dad passed out on the couch. I wanted to die. I went into the bathroom and I almost downed a bottle of pills”.

By now, Heyward had taken him into his arms, caressing his hair and whispering assuring words into his ear while he rocked him gently. He could feel his tears staining Heyward’s shirt. After a while, he felt Pope’s arms embrace him as well.

“I don’t even know why I called you. I didn’t know what to do” he kept crying.

“I’m glad you did, kid. You’re safe here”.

* * *

They stayed in that position for the remainder of that morning. Putting on a stupid cartoon for little kids and hugging JJ tightly as if to protect him from any harm.

“Kid, I want you to listen to me. We need to report this” Heyward mumbled into JJ’s hair.

At that, JJ sat up startled and scared. “No! You can’t! You don’t know what happens to kids like me in foster care! I can’t go to foster care. You can’t report it, I promise it’s not usually this bad, he was just really angry yesterday. I can deal with it, it’s not that bad”.

“He almost killed you JJ, you said so yourself. You almost killed yourself afterwards” Pope said.

“Pope is right, my boy. We need to go to the police with this”.

And JJ started getting up then, ready to gather whatever was on him when Heyward had found him and to leave. “I’m not going to foster care. I’ll end up in a worse family or in a group home where I’ll be beat anyways or worse”.

“Sit your ass down” Heyward said, now sounding stricter. “Who said anything about foster care?”

“What?” JJ asked confused.

“I thought it was pretty obvious” Pope explained. “We’re not letting you go to foster care. You’re staying here, with us”.

“I don’t understand” JJ said, starting to feel his chest compress with a swell of emotion.

“If you want to and you are okay with it, we want to take you in” Heyward said wiping the newly formed tears falling from JJ’s cheeks.

“No, no. I can’t ask you to do that. Besides you would get tired of me eventually and then I’d be back in square one” he argued, not wanting to be a burden on this beautiful family who had always been so kind to him.

“You didn’t ask us, we asked you. We want you here, safe and with us. Plus, we don’t want to foster you, we want something more permanent than that” yelled Pope, getting frustrated with JJ’s reluctance.

“We want to adopt you kid” offered Heyward.

That was when JJ really lost it, practically throwing himself on Heyward, burying his head into the crook of the man’s neck.

“I guess that’s a yes?” asked Heyward with a laugh. JJ nodded, now with a watery laugh as well.

“Come on, get ready and we’ll go to down to the station”.

* * *

He went upstairs with Pope, who would, once again, lend him some clothes. He couldn’t really show up to the police station with a t-shirt covered in his own blood. He started getting out of his dirty clothes when he noticed something had fallen out of the pocket of his shorts. John B’s letter. Crumpled to no end, but still there. He tried to iron it out with his hands before opening it.

_“JJ, I don’t know exactly what we did wrong, but we’re really worried about you._

_We all miss you. I miss you._

_That night, at Midsummers, I had been hoping to tell you something; but we all know how that night ended._

_I’ll just come right out and say it. I like you; I like you a lot. I have for a while. Since the beginning of the summer when you started working for my dad. That’s why I asked you over to hang with us that day. I was just infatuated with you, attracted to you, I guess. I wanted to get to know you and, once I did, I couldn’t get you out of my head._

_Kie and Pope have known for a long time, they’re always teasing me about it. I don’t even know if you’re interested in guys anyway, but I thought you should know._

_-John B._

JJ didn’t know how to process all of that information. First of all, Kie hadn’t outed him. It had been John B’s confession that had pushed his father to call him that ugly name. Second, John B liked him. JJ didn’t think he’d ever liked anyone romantically before, he didn’t know how it felt but he imagined it felt somewhat similar to what he was feeling.

He shook it off, deciding it was a matter for later and got ready to meet Pope and Heyward in the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So cat's out of the bag, I chose JJXJB. I'm sorry if it disappoints anyone. In other news I'm cooking up a JJxPope story that I will start posting once this one is finished. Also I have an idea for a JJxKiara story that will probably come after that one.
> 
> They will all be multichaptered fics, cause I like those better than oneshots.
> 
> (Plus lowkey someone posted a JJxTopper story and I kind of loved it. Go read it if you haven't. I may have to come up with an idea for a story with this pairing too. The story I read was: blood on my shirt, heart in my hand by cpressmn).


	10. Dying In A Hot Tub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of child abuse.
> 
> Thank you guys for over 3k hits, I legit cannot believe it. And thank you as well for all the lovely comments. 
> 
> I'm leaving you guys my tumblr in the ending notes, if you want to make any suggestions for this story or for any other.

It had gone relatively well. Officer Shoupe had been sympathetic enough. He’d interviewed him for a couple of minutes, asked questions about his father’s addiction and about the severity of the beatings. He had then taken pictures of the bruises on his face and torso. Shoupe has assured JJ that his father would be taken into custody as soon as officers reached his house.

Pope had left at some point, rushing to John B’s house and telling JJ he was for all intents and purposes, obliged to go when he finished at the station. Heyward had stayed though, held JJ’s hand the whole way through. He had also given his account of the previous night when he had picked JJ up from his house, bloody and barely conscious.

Apparently, Peterkin had been keeping a record on him. For years she had been writing down every injury she’d been able to spot on him and every time a neighbor had reported a ruckus at his home. She’d kept all that information so if he ever decided to report it, he would have a strong enough case to put his father in jail.

It was strange to think that someone had been secretly keeping an eye on him, caring for him without him noticing. All this time, that night, he had thought no one would ever love him. He had thought that no one would care if he disappeared from the world. His dad definitely wouldn’t care but Pope, Heyward and Kie would care. Even Peterkin would care. John B would care.

He thought back to the heartfelt letter John B had written, feeling something tug at his heartstrings. He needed to talk to John B, tell him he felt something too even if he didn’t know what it was. He just didn’t know how to even start that conversation, how to even tell John B that he did in fact like boys.

* * *

Heyward had taken him to buy some clothes, which had taken a lot of convincing. JJ just didn’t want Heyward spending even more money on him, but his clothes were already ratty and dirty, it didn’t make sense to keep them. Besides, he didn’t plan on ever stepping foot in that house ever again.

It had been a lot more pleasant than he had imagined. He could definitely see where Pope had gotten his chatty nature. It felt like father- son day, he thought bitterly. He would never have one of those with this actual father, but Heyward was trying, he could tell. He would try and make him laugh while they picked out t-shirts or try to not make sudden movements that would startle him and remind him of his father. 

To be honest, JJ was kind of sad when they’d finished shopping. It had felt so therapeutic to have someone he considered a role model and a father figure, want to spend time with him and pay attention to him. Like he mattered.

But he knew he needed to get out of dreamland and finally talk to John B.

* * *

Heyward dropped him off at John B’s where he could hear faint music coming from the backyard. He walked around the house, the music getting louder the closer he got to its source, finally spotting the group chilling in John B’s hot tub.

“Hey guys!” he yelled over the music.

Kie immediately noticed him and stopped the music, standing up in the hot tub.

He approached the group quietly, taking his shirt off. For the first time in forever he didn’t care about hiding the very evident bruises underneath his clothes. He got into the tub before any of them could say anything.

“I told them” said Pope carefully, hoping it wouldn’t anger him. “Not everything, but I figured after spending hours in that police station you wouldn’t want to explain it again”.

“It’s okay, Pope. Thank you actually, I am pretty tired of having to repeat it” he pat Pope in the back, reassuringly.

There was a moment of silence, when JJ could tell John B was avoiding his gaze.

“I need to talk to you” he looked at John B and said quietly, before turning to the rest. “Guys, could you actually give us a minute?”

Kie looked confused for a minute, but she was pulled out of the tub by Pope who already knew of the existence of the letter. Even if he didn’t know what it contained, Pope was smart enough to guess.

* * *

“Before you say anything…” started John B, still barely able to look him in the eyes. “I’m really sorry. If I had known your dad would…I-I never would have given him that letter”.

JJ could feel the sadness rolling off of John B in waves. He pulled his chin up with his hand, spotting the tears clouding John B’s eyes and barely keeping from falling down his cheeks.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want anyone to know. I have been hiding this for years, you can’t blame yourself for not knowing”.

“But Pope said your dad was angry when he read the letter. That that was why he beat you”.

“It wasn’t. My dad is always angry. If it wasn’t the letter, it would have been something else. It was just an excuse to beat me. If you hadn’t given him the letter, he would have found another excuse. He beat me everyday since the night of the party and he was planning to do it again whether you gave him that letter or not”.

That did not seem to calm John B down in the least.

“Pope said you tried to- to…”

“I didn’t exactly try, I thought about it. But then I thought about you guys and I thought about my father and how much I don’t want to end up like him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it”.

John B brought him into a hug, wrapping him in his arms, even though he was the one crying.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there” he mumbled into JJ’s hair, caressing his back with his left hand and running his fingers through his hair with this right hand.

“I pushed you away. That night. Everything was too much. With the whole Rose and Ward thing. And then Topper and the other Kooks cornered me. They said horrible stuff to me, and it got to my head. That’s why I pushed all of you away. I’m sorry” he told John B, nuzzling into the boy’s shoulder.

At this point, JJ was practically straddling John B in the hot tub, but it didn’t feel sensual or sexual in any way, just loving and caring, warm and safe.

Safe.

JJ pulled away a little to look at John B, “You make me feel safe”.

John B looked at him perplexed, not quite believing what he was hearing.

“You all do” he added. John B deflated a little at that, which JJ definitely noticed and definitely had him thinking ‘cute’ in his head.

“But it’s different with you” John B seemed to perk up a little.

“Did you read the letter?” he asked sheepishly, still unwilling to let go of JJ, keeping him secured with a gentle hand on his waist.

“I did. I thought it was very sweet”.

“That’s it?” asked John B, voice enveloped with nerves.

“You didn’t let me finish” he laughed. “I thought it was sweet. I do like boys by the way, I’m bi, but I’ve never really liked anyone before. Like really liked them, the most I’ve felt towards anyone is physical attraction. But everything’s different with you. I don’t know what liking someone feels like, but I think it must be pretty similar to what I feel for you”.

“So… You don’t find me attractive?” he asked, seeming genuinely confused.

“No, idiot!” and John B curled in on himself, about to retrieve his hand from JJ’s waistline. He grabbed John B's hand, keeping it where it was. “I mean yes! God! You’re making this difficult! I am attracted to you, a lot, but it’s more than that. I think I like you too”.

“You like me?”

“I do”.

John B’s grip tightened on his waist, his other hand reaching up to cup this cheek. He gently stroked JJ’s slightly-busted bottom lip with his thumb, looking at him with such adoration JJ thought he would melt into a puddle and join the tub water.

It seemed like ages had passed before John B’s lips finally met his own. The boy’s long hair tickled his cheeks as they moved in unison. He could feel his own eyelashes brushing against John B’s skin. Their noses knocked together a couple of times, but neither of them cared, just wanting to have the other closer.

It was positively impossible to be any closer. John B’s back was resting against the side of the tub, water coming around his shoulders and making his skin glisten. JJ was still straddling the other boy, hands coming up to tug at John B’s long hair. He could feel the boy’s strong grip on his hips.

Everything felt heightened. Everything felt so right. They were one in that moment and JJ thought he had never felt that loved before, that precious to someone. John B held him close, but also gently with unimaginable care.

They kissed passionately, an onslaught of emotion rushing through their veins. JJ gripped whatever part of John B he could reach while the other explored his mouth with his tongue. He savored the other’s taste on his tongue and winced slightly when his damaged bottom lip was bitten and roughly sucked into the other’s mouth.

He planted his hands on John B’s defined chest and gently pushed, separating the two. They panted, trying to regain their breath, still wrapped around each other.

“I’m sorry, did that hurt?” he asked concerned, pressing his forehead against JJ’s.

“No, no. It’s just. Pope and Kie are probably waiting for us to come inside or something” he said, completely out of breath.

“You’re right”.

“You’re not moving”.

“Well neither are you. You’re the one on top of me” John B provided, a hand sneaking around to grab JJ’s behind.

JJ gasped at that, blushing and immediately getting up and off of John B. He instantly felt colder, perhaps missing the hot water or the warmth of the boy before him.

* * *

He didn’t bother waiting for John B and picked up a towel before going inside the house.

Kiara and Pope were sitting on the couch, whispering, most likely making theories about what was transpiring between JJ and John B.

He cleared his throat, letting them know he was there, cutting off their murmurs. John B came in then, looking awkward as all hell.

“Dude at least try to hide that” said Pope throwing a pillow at John B, signaling toward his very obvious erection.

A blush crept up JJ’s neck at the sight, knowing he had been the cause of it.

“So are you guys together now or what?” asked Kie, eager for some gossip.

There was a long pause and a hopeful look shot JJ’s way.

“Yeah, we are” he said smiling back at John B. “If that’s what you want of course” he added.

John B dropped the pillow, charging towards JJ and kissing him again deeply.

Both Kie and Pope groaned, still smiling, clearly happy for them but realizing their future was gonna be filled with pda moments from John B and JJ.

“Okay, John B I want all doors open when you come over to my house” Pope warned him seriously “I don’t want you two getting it on in my own house” he pretended to gag.

John B put his hands up in defense.

“Yeah we don’t need you corrupting him” said Kie dropping an arm around JJ’s shoulder.

“Hey, what makes you think I’ll be the one doing the corrupting?” asked John B, indignantly.

“What? No, I’ll have you know I’m very sweet and innocent” commented JJ.

“Good to know” John B winked at him, making that awful blush return to his cheeks and neck.

And Pope did legitimately gag at that, JJ coming to pat his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys so I don't actually know whether to end the story here or if I should explore the relationship more.   
> This is a good ending I think, but I don't know if I want to make it longer. 
> 
> Again, like I said, I have a JJxPope story planned (I'm thinking a highschool au) and a JJxKiara story after that one.
> 
> The problem is college finals are coming up, so whatever I write won't come for a while. And if it does come sooner, then updating won't be as consistent as with this fic. That is until the end of May when finals are finished.
> 
> I have a tumblr (@sadbitchtings, yes my profile pic is Spinelli) if you want to leave any suggestions for this story or for any story I plan to write. If you wanna leave ideas of stories you would want to see me write that's great too.

**Author's Note:**

> *Story title inspired by the Palaye Royale song "Dying in a Hot Tub" and obviously the hot tub scene from the show.


End file.
